I Hate Benson Boone

A short rant

What if there was a pop singer that looked like iDubbbz…

…but had the vocal style of Gabbi Hanna in that one “Monster” explainer video?

Well, you’d get Washington state’s own Benson Boone.

(Dayman, ah ah ah, fighter of the Nightman looking ass)

Some calll him “Grammy’s Worst New Artist,” others refer to him as “Harry Styles at home,” but his real name is even worse: Benson. Imagine going through nine months of labor, enduring a painful birth, only to name your child after the talking gumball machine from Regular Show that’s crazy.

I’ve seen this fool’s name pop up so many times, headlining festivals. Upon further investigation, it starts to make a little sense in the TikTok era. His music gets a lot of streams, and after listening to it, I understand his place in the music industry. Unfortunately, it’s a bad place—somewhere between the stomp-clap-hey-ho pseudo-folk BS of The Lumineers and the vocal strain bombast of Imagine Dragons. I honestly thought that in the age of irony, there would be no room for him, but then I realized that moms and children exist.

Okay, so he has generic hit music, but surely that can’t be all he has to offer as a headliner and Grammy performer. No, he also copies Harry Styles’ outfits, bar for bar. David Bowie is like the picture at McDonald's they use to make the food look good. Harry Styles is what you actually get, and Benson Boone is the cold version you microwave.

But wait—he also flips! As he screams out the most ChatGPT-like lyrics you can imagine, he’s somersaulting, flipping, and vaulting over the piano. What a show! It’s the perfect content for The View or Good Morning America to reinforce his need to be on our screens. The gimmicks are a poor attempt to make him seem fresh, young, and original, when the music he makes is nothing but bottom-of-the-barrel Top 40 pop.

There’s no real solution for a guy like him, and that’s the saddest part. The system currently in place has always existed. We’ve always had acts like him, who satisfy the box-checking criteria of what a young, hot pop star is. It’s just made even worse by the current astroturfing, now that the music industry has direct access to our brains through TikTok and other social media. He’ll be awkwardly placed into “indie” and “country” playlists on Spotify, where he doesn’t belong. He’s inoffensive and fits in, so the algorithm and the industry will always have his back.

Instead of listening to this smooth-brained, overdone nonsense, here are some alternatives. Perfume Genius is an artist who’s been making theatrical, bombastic pop music for years and has an amazing back catalog. Obviously, Chappell Roan is also much more gifted and has broader mainstream appeal. If you’re in the mood for something a little more country, give the new Zach Bryan or Johnny Blue Skies albums a spin. For more indie or singer-songwriter vibes, check out the latest from Cameron Winter, Father John Misty, or Adrienne Lenker. Or, if you’re feeling really esoteric, maybe try Wicca Phase Springs Eternal. There are thousands of artists out there who deserve your ear more than this parkour-loving Curtis Connor lookalike.